A reflection on motherhood, pressure, and what actually matters
Hear me out.
I know it sounds crazy—but I honestly believe that having three kids is easier than one.
Not because there’s less mess. (There’s more.)
Not because there’s more sleep. (There isn’t.)
But because I, the mother, have changed.
When I was a first-time mom, I was a type-A, control-everything, anxious ball of well-intentioned perfectionism. I fixated on wake windows. I obsessed over nap math. I pumped on the dot, tracked every ounce, and spiraled if one thing went “wrong.”
If he slept until 7 after a dream feed, I’d repeat it religiously.
If he woke at 5:30, I’d dissect the entire previous day—“Maybe it was that 3-minute late nap!”
I stayed up at night thinking, planning, and second-guessing everything.
With my third baby? I didn’t have time for all that—and thank God. I was finally able to enjoy it.
So what changed?
Me. My mindset. My expectations.
I wasn’t less tired. I wasn’t suddenly rich or relaxed.
But I was seasoned.
My routines were already in place from my older kids. My brain and body had been rewired to function on less rest, more noise, and constant multitasking. I’d adjusted to the routine of motherhood.
And most importantly—I stopped fighting the urge to control everything.
The First Child Syndrome (And Why It Feels So Hard)
First-time motherhood is a sensory and emotional overload. Everything is new, uncertain, and high stakes. Your brain is undergoing massive neurological change, your hormones are still crashing, and the pressure to “do it right” is soul-crushing. Let’s not forget about the time period that this generation of mother’s is currently living in, the age of constant information online.
From an OT perspective, this makes total sense:
- Your nervous system is adapting to new sensory input 24/7
- Your brain’s executive functioning load is maxed out—planning, remembering, decision-making
- You haven’t yet built the muscle memory of parenting (which eventually lightens the mental load)
When baby #3 came along, I had built those adaptive patterns. My body and brain weren’t fighting the change anymore—they were operating in it.
If your toddler’s behavior still feels like a mystery, especially with younger siblings in the mix, check out my post on Why Your Toddlers Hits the Baby: Understanding Sensory-Seeking and What to do About it.
“But Kids Are So Expensive!”
Sure. But how you structure your life before kids matters more than most people want to admit.
Do you want to stay home? Are you willing to downsize? Can you get creative with childcare, budget, or housing?
I’m not saying it’s easy. I’m saying the narrative that “you must be financially stable before kids” is keeping a lot of women from becoming mothers—or enjoying it once they are.
If I could go back and tell my 18-year-old self one thing, it would be this:
If you wait until the timing is perfect, you’ll miss it. Life doesn’t get easier—you just get better at handling what matters.
What Society Gets Wrong
We’ve built a world that treats children as inconvenient add-ons to a productive life. But parenting was never meant to fit into the margins.
That pit in your stomach when you dropped your baby at daycare at 6 months? That’s not weakness. That’s wiring.
Children were never designed to be separated from their mothers that early—not for 9 hours a day, 5 days a week. The research on attachment, cortisol response, and emotional development backs that up.
But if you had no choice, or if you’re doing your best to make it work now—it’s okay. The goal is connection—with whatever time you do have.
If you’re navigating big emotions—yours or theirs—this post on How Your Reactions Shape your Child’s Behavior will help you lead from calm and rational, not emotional.
What Forged by Grace Is About
I created forgedbygrace.mom because I needed support in those early years, and I knew other moms did too.
Whether you’re:
- A stay-at-home mom drowning in noise
- A working mom craving meaningful time with your kids
- Or somewhere in between, wondering if it’s all too much
…I want to meet you exactly where you are. No placating. Just strategies, honesty, and a calm, OT-informed foundation to build from.
Looking for calm strategies to anchor your days? Click here or Try my FREE 10 Calming Activities for parents of toddlers.
Here’s What I’ve Learned
Motherhood hasn’t gotten easier because my kids are easier. It’s gotten better because I’ve grown.
I’ve released perfection. I’ve adapted.
And I’ve started living for someone other than myself.
So yes—having three kids is easier than having one.
Because I’ve finally stopped trying to control everything, and started learning what matters most.
👋 Want more stories like this + practical tools to make motherhood calmer and more connected?
Join the waitlist or download one of my free guides at forgedbygrace.mom
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