When I became a mom, I had the best intentions.
No screens before age two. No background noise. Just wooden toys, Montessori shelves, and slow, present living. But life has a way of humbling you.
After I broke my leg (with three kids under five ) I leaned hard on the TV to survive. It was my crutch in every way. But once the dust settled, I knew I needed a reset. So, we went cold turkey. No TV.
It’s been months now, and I can honestly say: it’s one of the best parenting decisions we’ve ever made.
What Changed?
Almost immediately, I saw:
- Less overstimulation
- Better sibling play
- Fewer fights
- And imaginative, creative, joyful play that returned like a long-lost friend
I realized something powerful…screen time was robbing my kids of the very thing I wanted for them: the ability to build play skills, regulate emotions, and thrive without constant input.
Now, we reserve screens for special family movie nights. It’s a treat, not a routine. And ironically? They’d often rather play.
Myth #1: “Kids won’t play on their own unless they’re entertained.”
Truth: Independent play is a skill — and it’s built gradually.
Many parents assume if their child isn’t playing solo at length, something’s wrong. But just like walking or talking, independent play develops in stages:
- First, it starts with co-play or side-by-side play (you’re there, but not leading).
- Next, you extend time slowly. Two minutes turns to five. Five becomes ten.
- Over time, you build a routine of trust and attention — not abandonment.
We don’t expect toddlers to write their names at 2. So why expect 30 minutes of independent play out of nowhere?
Myth #2: “More toys = more play.”
Truth: Too much stuff can overwhelm, not inspire.
Toy clutter leads to decision fatigue , even for little brains. When we cut back and rotated a few open-ended toys at a time (blocks, cars, kitchen sets), play became deeper and richer.
Instead of hopping toy to toy, they stayed in one storyline longer — because they had space to think.
Try This: Rotate 4-5 toys weekly. Less visual noise means more mental focus. Instead of buying more toys, their old toys become new again.
Want ideas for calming, sensory-rich activities? Read Play with a Purpose: 5 OT-Inspired Activities to Calm and Connect.
Myth #3: “Screens help them calm down.”
Truth: Screens distract, not regulate.
There’s a difference between calming and numbing.
Screens provide a dopamine hit, not a regulation skill. That means when the screen turns off, the behavior often returns — sometimes worse. True regulation comes from movement, connection, and practice.
Think of sensory tools:
- Swinging, running, pushing = real nervous system input
- Screens = escape with no skill-building
If your child is melting down often, try a sensory-based reset before reaching for the remote. Borrowing Calm offers parent-tested ways to reset without yelling or bribes.
For more on how screen exposure affects development, read AAP’s Media and Young Minds policy statement.
Myth 4: “All screen time is bad.”
Truth: Not all screen time is equal.
Yes, passive scrolling and non-stop shows aren’t ideal. But a nature documentary watched with you? A calming app during travel? That’s not failure — that’s intentional use.
Screens shouldn’t replace us — they should be used with us.”
When used intentionally, screens can be a tool for connection, not just distraction. It’s the difference between handing off a device and sitting down together to engage.
Myth 5: “I have to entertain them all day.”
The truth: You’re not their cruise director.
Your job isn’t to fill every moment — it’s to create an environment where they can grow, play, and feel safe. When that’s in place, they don’t need you every second. They need space, predictability, and a few good blocks.
If your child struggles with toy-sharing or constant sibling bickering, try Why Sharing Is So Hard — And 5 Strategies That Actually Help.
So What Does Help Build Independent Play?
Here’s what worked in our home — and lines up with OT research:
- Start small: 5 minutes of play with you nearby (not joining in)
- Create a visual cue: “Play Time” card or small timer they can see
- Offer open-ended materials: blocks, animals, pretend food
- Practice transitions: “You’ll play while I wash dishes. Then we’ll snuggle.”
It’s not instant. It’s gradual. But it builds emotional and cognitive muscles that last.
Learn more about how responsive relationships shape healthy development from Harvard’s Center on the Developing Child.
Final Thought: It’s Okay to Rebuild
If you’ve relied on screens (hi, same), you haven’t failed. You’re surviving. But if you’re ready to try something new, start with one small step today:
- Declutter the toy shelf
- Add a 5-minute “quiet play” after snack
- Put your phone away during play and mirror their movements
You’ll be surprised what changes with a little space and a little less noise.
Want More Support?
Download my FREE guide:
“Playing with Purpose: How to Build Play Skills Without Screens”
[Click Here]
You’ll get:
- A play skills checklist by age
- Screen-free play starter kits
- Realistic routines that work for real moms
View comments
+ Leave a comment